Fido's New Year's Resolutions
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"Stop visiting nude beaches. Some things just can't be unseen."
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"Quit eating the catnip—strange things are happening."
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"Start that new whole foods diet—or was it "hole" foods ... ?"
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"Learn new yoga poses. Downward dog is just too cliché."
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"Perfect my Baywatch slow-mo run."
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"Don't ask any questions about what's going on above me."
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